Sunday, June 21, 2009

Missing in Action: Online Dominants

Cyber Doms ... Did You Forget Something?
MISSING IN ACTION

CYBER DOMS

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Ahem *coughs delicately* ... there seems to be a surfeit of collared submissives in Lit. A number of Masters appear to have either gone AWOL or Missing In Action ... or should that be Missing INACTION ....

Gentleman please check Your belongings, some of You appear to have left something behind ... and i ain't talking an umbrella!!

Now in order to get Your collar around her neck and to enjoy the associated deep level of trust and commitment from her, O/one assumes that You presented Youself to Your unfortunate submissive as something other than a player or a complete ego-centric masturbatory focussed whining weiner.

i'm not going to give the lecture on the Responsibilities of a Dominant. i will not remind You that YOU choose to seek a power exchange and to be responsible for her. Neither do i propose to remind You of the amount of trust required to progress a relationship to this level. If You have Your collar around the neck of a submissive it is Your job to know this information.

So here's the thing ..... *tilts head ... raises eyebrow and peers at You* ... if You have omitted to advise Your submissive that things have changed for You in some way and that You are walking away ... please let her know immediately. Because right now You may well have left her collared to You ... oops!

... and at this point there are several submissives left in limbo, abandoned, deserted by their Master's and they need to be released immediately... because, believe it or not 'gentlemen' submissives are real people!! ..

*OMAL!!!!... REALLY i hear You say...!..
*Nods... eyes wide**... i know.. astonishing isn't it???!!!!!

submissives are NOT words on a screen, cardboard cut-outs or a commercial service to feed Your masturbatory needs ...and it is quite improper and, perhaps even, rude, dishonest and ungentlemanly to leave them propped in a cupboard while You flap off like a magpie to follow the next shiny thing that takes Your attention.

So, if You have abandoned a collared sub and You have avoided the issue ... it's time to pull up Your tighty whities, suck it up and do the right thing ... talk to her, and release her.
Oh ... and if you're too yellow-backed to talk to her .... *smiles slooooowly* ... you may want to consider finding another place to play .... because no-one likes a dishonourable weiner... *smiles softly***


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* BTW.. the submissives to which i refer have taken the time to progress the D/s relationship in a steady manner. All had negotiation and consideration periods and did all things possible to approach D/s with careful consideration. None of the ones to which i refer are members of the collar is the 'new black' brigade.

Please note, i do not regard the 'velcro collar' as anything other than a prop and it is NOT velcro that is the subject of this post.
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Friday December 29, 2006 - 09:52pm (EST) Edit | Delete

Next Post: In Celebration of Raven Haired Beauties Previous Post: Clarification

Comments

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Now..now raven. It is a two way street. Those same subs need to take responsibility for jumping to a collar, without bothering to find out if said dom was the real deal. Some girls think a collar makes them special, so they gladly (or is that greedily) accept it, and have no idea what they are getting themselves into. But, what the hell!! They got a collar!!

The other night i was sitting in chat, and a *coughs* sub came in, looking for her Master, she didn't know his name. Only that he was from the UK and they had chatted on yahoo. *Giggles* Something tells me that relationship may be in a bit of trouble!!

In other words raven dear, I/idiots come from both side of the collar.

Friday December 29, 2006 - 03:00am (PST) Remove Comment

*stands behind my sis and backs her up 100% on this one because i feel the same way*...thank you blonde for putting this out there and sharing it! *wags my finger at the bad boys*....no one likes a dshonourable weiner nor a selfish bastard! we are not doormats for you to wipe your feet on! get a grip...wake up and smell the coffee! *insert many expletives here* and sisters? one doesn't need permission to take that collar off if one is abandoned...so let it rip girls! start living again! have fun! it's YOUR journey! your life!

Friday December 29, 2006 - 06:01am (EST) Remove Comment

*nods in agreement with teddy sis*...takes 2 to tango girl! good point! good point! *smiles at T/them*

Friday December 29, 2006 - 06:02am (EST) Remove Comment

Given that Blonde, like Myself is a long standing member of the lifestyle in r/l, I don't believe that this blog is about the 'velcro' brigade that seem to exist o/l but is in fact about collars. To exchange a real collar I would suggest that these subs have done their homework in attempting to suss out the prospective Dom but given that the only access W/we have o/l is generally an email address, a 360 page and in a smaller number of cases a phone number ( either land or mobile) then this can be fraught with challenges. It is far easier to pretend to be something Y/your are, or Y/your not, o/l than in r/l so the collaring process becomes more difficult.

I commend Blonde for this strong blog and suggest that the Doms she is talking about take a long look at Themselves and develop Their honesty

Friday December 29, 2006 - 10:28pm (EST) Remove Comment

Thank you for reminding me to clarify that this post does not refer to role players teddy, fire and Aragorn ..*smiles*. Unless stated otherwise i generally tend to refer to those D/s relationships that have been approached with due consideration, discussion and negotiation periods and this is certainly the case with the submissives to whom this post refers. It is difficult to see what else these women could do in addition to taking all due consideration.

Role play collars and role players are to my mind, not in the same category as those referred to in this post.

Friday December 29, 2006 - 10:28pm (EST) Remove Comment

*brushes back her beautiful, long silky hair and whispers in her ear softly*...goddddd woman..purrs...how lucky you are to have such a Friend in Aragorn Sir...everywhere i see His posts, i learn something...either within His message or how He presents Himself... you are truly blessed sis! i enjoyed reading this and learning something...*feels the burn* ahhhhhhh it's all about learning and growing in this lifestyle whoooo hooooooo gosh i love that part the best! =) *bows in respect to Aragorn Sir and hugs my sis tight*...ty for your comment to my blog girl...hope you have a wonderful day! i'm off to work! enjoyed the morning with you through your blog hon...be well and blessed be! xox

Friday December 29, 2006 - 07:24am (EST) Remove Comment

kudos on the subject matter sister, same applies to 360ville. far to often i see slaves and subs played. but as pointed out it does take two to tango. for shame though on those players.

have a wonderful weekend sister .. hugs n kisses ..

Friday December 29, 2006 - 08:10am (CST) Remove Comment

Hmmm I don't think if these Doms whoever they are, aren't contacting their subs they really not going to give a second thought to a blog intending to humilate them into doing something.

I have to wonder are there not lines of communication that the submissive's have to contact them? Is the relationship so fragile that they don't ask for and expect more than one way to communicate with them?

I say you post a "sub law" that within a certain amount of time if the Dom has not communicated back to a sub the sub can release themselfs. I don't see why they should have to play by someone elses rules especially if they aren't around to make sure they are being followed.

Friday December 29, 2006 - 06:18am (PST) Remove Comment

smile* thank you blonde for the post. i'll withhold comment right now. 11 days and counting.. laugh* what's this one to do? looks around for my big girl panties.

Friday December 29, 2006 - 09:45am (EST) Remove Comment

*hugggggggggggggs you, twirls you, dips you, and tweeks your cute little nose* thanks you blondesis for taking such a strong stance on this very topic.

i want to publically thank you (and fireysis) for everything the both of you did for me a couple of weeks ago ~ yes F/folks, even though this little one was NOT ~ repeat NOT ~ collared, she was abandonded by someOne she "thought" was Dom, but turned out to be just another player amongst the many MANY pseudo doms that are running around Lit at the very moment.

i know that i am taking a huge risk by "outing" myself as one of the "abandonded little ones", but i feel it is important that E/everyone know the hurt, pain, and suffering that happened to me by the one that calls himself "master ice"... this little one went through the "old school" process of getting to know him outside of lit, sharing many MANY wonderful moments, and then agreed to take his name as part of the "negotiation" process...

i communicated with him constantly (via email, IMs, and text messages), and always kept him abreast of any situation that i was in. i did everything in accordance to his instructions that we had agreed to, and got fucked over (in every sense of the word) by him... he never EVER returned any of my emails and IMs, and only returned my text messages (and subsequent IM messages) after i mentioned the words "sub-drop and sub-zone")... and when he did this, he was very VERY cold as ice, and didn't give one shit about me and what i was going thru. it was at this very moment that i realized that i had been played for a fool...

ladies, if any of you run into him (notice i am not capitalizing his nic or anything to do with him), run VERY VERY far away from him... he is nothing but a player who preys on true submissive sisters...

i really REALLY wish that us sisters had a website/360 page to list all of the Doms who are players so that other sisters had a resource to go to if they have any questions about someone that they are talking to...

Friday December 29, 2006 - 09:46am (EST) Remove Comment

*looks at bekka* and gives her a huggg... sometimes you can do everything that is expected of you and still not make someone happy. I think wheather old school, new school or just your own school common sense has to prevail and good for you it did before the hurt got any larger.

Friday December 29, 2006 - 07:21am (PST) Remove Comment

hugggs and commendations on a well written thoughtful piece sister. i agree heartily with all the points written, from all sides of the debate , but i too have noted that even with due precautions taken people are taken advantage of, vulnerable, intellegent, sensible people. Thank you for bringing this up, however i don't think Those you speak of will care quite frankly, they will probably adopt a new nic and move on to the next one.

Friday December 29, 2006 - 04:01pm (GMT) Remove Comment

Thank you blonde, as always you bring up truly important issues.
The responsibility to capture one's mind and soul cannot be held by the unresponsible. How does one distinguish? I'm not sure one always can, and those thoughts are already reflected in the postings above.
One recommendatio though - try to find a Dom friend/mentor whom you would pre-negotiate the Aplatonic nature of the relationship and listen carefullu to what person's onservations. He might see things you din't notice or chose to ignore.
And bekka dear...don't beat yoursefl up bit checking if you did every thing "right" this ice dude has to be a jerk, on second thought..ice hmmm, must say something

Friday December 29, 2006 - 09:46am (PST) Remove Comment

You know my feelings on this issue. I have seen this situation many times before. I have also seen "subs" wear an imagined collar then lament that their non-existant "Master is never around but this one waits patiently for Him because I am such a good little subbie." They became just added to the experiences that fed my cynicism. Aragorn, Heartless, and teddy all have made good points here - the coin has many sides.

As for you blonde, another very well written blog! *smiles*

Saturday December 30, 2006 - 06:47am (EST) Remove Comment

well written i shall add dishonorable weiner and magpie to my Dom dictionary

Friday December 29, 2006 - 11:58am (PST) Remove Comment

re teddy's comment.

Can't be as bad the "sub" I made cry the other by pointing out she was a fake sub cos a real sub with a Master doesn't advertise for a Domme in her profile, doesn't hit on and fuck IN THE ROOM anything with a cyber penis and then turn around and say she can do what she likes cos her "Master" is in a different time zone and isn't there "patrolling" her. I also pointed out he must be a shit Master if his training has only made her a slut.

Silly child!

As for the other comments people have made, I understand where the real lifer D/s-ers are coming from, but its unfair to judge the onliners as just a game.

True, to many it is just a kinky role playing game "Me Master, you sub" but to the ones behind this blog, it was more. As raven's disclaimer at the end points out, they did go through extensive talks and soul searchings before making the step and commitment.

Its heartnumbing and scary when anyone disappears and leaves just an empty silence, whether they are a Dom, sub, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner or friend.

Saturday December 30, 2006 - 10:55am (NZDT) Remove Comment

:: grins wickedly :: blonde... you're such a trouble maker. How dare you bring truth to the masses?

Saturday December 30, 2006 - 01:02pm (CST) Remove Comment

wicked, naughty blonde...um-ah....my bad...*slaps wrist*

Sunday December 31, 2006 - 12:03pm (EST) Remove Comment

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