Beware the Player
by ~katarina~
The definition of a "Player" is quite varied. In this context, however, it is a person (male or female, Dom or sub) who uses the online lifestyle as a "pick-up place" with the intent of finding short term, intense, sometimes multiple relationships, and then moving on. They tend to survey the room, and specifically look for a "partner" that is on the rebound, in some sort of emotional crisis, or new to the lifestyle.
They tend to make promises that they have no intention of keeping and are quick to collar or be collared. They are also the ones that seem to be overly Dominant, demanding respect, and for each and every submissive, whether they know them or not, to kneel at their feet. Or overly submissive, willing to call everyone with a capped name, again without even knowing them, Sir or Ma'am, and to promise to please them in every way imaginable. The chase, or being chased, and the conquering or being conquered seems to be more important to them, and they will likely say or do anything to achieve that end. The actual result of a "player's" games is leaving the partner they had, who was probably in the relationship with all good intentions, emotionally, and depending on the control in the relationship, physically scarred."Players" are not interested in the emotional well being of anyone but themselves. They are only interested in what serves them best, and can be quite inventive in what may be best described as: "chat room cover and concealment." It is fortunate however, that the M.O. of a "player" becomes apparent the longer they are involved in the on line scene. Players often use multiple names, allowing them to collar, or be collared to different people simultaneously. Another ploy is to change their name after a breakup, and try to come back on line as another person entirely. Of course the only problem with that is the old saying about, "Fooling all of the people all of the time." The "players" can pull it off for a while, but sooner or later, because people don't inherently change, a former partner will discover who they really are.
Another game of the "player" is to work on pity or sympathy, in either direction, playing either part, depending on the needs of the person in whom they have become interested. Some tried and true examples of what a "player" may say, are: "My real life partner doesn't understand what I need."...... "I've explained my desires to my real life partner and they don't care."........... "I'm lonely and need to feel loved." Conversely, they may say, "I know all about a partner who doesn't understand your needs."......... "My partner doesn't care about my needs either."....... "You won't have to feel lonely, ever again." In either case, it is the "player's" desire to get a partner in the quickest easiest way. And what better way than to play on the emotional balance of someone who is genuinely sincere?
The most dangerous words that can be said, however, are from a Dominant "Player" to a submissive, who is new to on line D/s: one who is anxious to learn, and wide-eyed at the new experiences ahead. The words are: "I am the only one that knows the truth about this lifestyle. Everyone else is trying to "play" you. I will train you, and therefore you needn't talk to anyone else about it, especially other submissives." Even in an exclusive on line relationship such isolation from one's peers, is tantamount to emotional abuse. The danger in this is the fact the other, more experienced submissives are the best source of knowledge for the novice. They tend to know who is who, and what is acceptable behavior in a particular chat room. A similar tactic is to offer to *protect* you from the other Doms, or even the *players*. By shielding you from observing the way other Doms behave the player hopes to keep you uninformed and more easily controlled. If a Dom says those words to you, your alarms should go off, and you should move on.
"Players" will use anything within their means to get what they want. They will spit out words like Trust, Honor, and Respect, yet will have no clue as to the true meaning. They will read websites and articles voraciously, in attempt to know all of the terms and catch phrases of the lifestyle. Therefore assuring any unsuspecting Dominant or submissive that they are knowledgeable. The unfortunate fact that comes to light at this point, is that the "player" truly cares very little about the lifestyle, but merely uses it as means to an end.
Whereas it is true that the majority of chat room "players" reside on line, and are satisfied to allow it to remain there, and certainly you should beware of them, there is that minority that wants to carry it to real time. The dangers of attempting a real time relationship with a "player" of this sort are astronomical, and should be avoided. As it has been pointed out, the player is out for him/herself, and thinks nothing of leaving their victims in emotional distress. Considering that this person may possibly display sociopathic behavior, the chance for physical harm is greater when the virtual world crosses into reality.
re-printed from: http://www.seekers.org.uk
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(7 total) Post a Comment
- Tantr…
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does this mean I have to stop reading voraciously?
Thursday September 28, 2006 - 02:59pm (EDT) Remove Comment
- THE B…
- Offline
lol....TQ.. I think the author was cautioning..merely advising...caution..
Friday September 29, 2006 - 05:16am (EST) Remove Comment
- Kate
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very thought provoking article, certainly gave me food for thought. Thank you for the posting hugs
Thursday September 28, 2006 - 09:08pm (BST) Remove Comment
- ||-ny…
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~smiles~ Its so good to forewarn T/those that are venturing the online realm in this Lifestyle. So often this one has observed so many left in emotional tatters because of players and even worse, left in severe physical harm by predators that another trusted to meet r/t. Nice post, hun. Do you have the web addy so this one can browse the site? It would be awesome to post in ones blogroll. With a smile... ~nyte magik
Thursday September 28, 2006 - 12:39pm (AKDT) Remove Comment
- noxious
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I think most of the points the author made in that article apply to the more mainstream "relationships" too. The multiple names/partners, the profession victim/sympathy plays, the isolation from others...
Friday September 29, 2006 - 09:35am (NZST) Remove Comment
- Jessa…
- Offline
I, being quite ignorant as to the lifestyle, see quite a similarity to all mainstream relationships, real life and online. This is an article that everyone intending to be in a relationship, regardless of where, with whom, or in what lifestyle should read. We learn from what we're given, and this might save a few hearts and sense of self.
Thursday September 28, 2006 - 07:56pm (EDT) Remove Comment
Yes indeed..beware the player...good advice ....
Friday October 6, 2006 - 02:26pm (PDT) Remove Comment
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