"Come to Heel"
Sometimes a sub cam run amok.. a little too much humour, a little too much mischief... and whilst it is is great to have humour, laughter and lighteness in any relationship, there is a point at which it may just go a little over the line into disrespect. Within an existing D/s relationship, a collared sub may be called to heel, will generally be quick to comply and will accept correction and guidance from her/his Master with grace and thanks.
However, uncollared and wannabee subs in open rooms are a whole different ballgame. We have seen over and over again, a Dom who displays a lightness and humour or is approachable being mistakenly regarded by wannbee subbies as weak, or less Dom in some way. The overly-familiar and unsolicited behaviour often displayed by these newcomers is not only often disrespectful to Doms but is also disrespectful to subs who have worked hard to perfect the art of pleasing their Masters. In short, it is rude, ill-mannered and is contrary to the protocols of the D/s community. In fact, some recent incidences witnessed are contrary to the normal mores of social behaviour.
The D/s relationship is not reflective of schoolyard or sophomiric behaviours. The protocols tend toward the old fashioned in terms of values and manners and these need to be respected, particularly by 'newbies' who may be in the initial stages of exploring D/s. To go into any community or sub-culture without respect for traditions and protocols is to risk not only a lack of acceptance but open hostility. Not a good start to exploration. Nor does such behaviour display suitable and appropriate submissive behaviours if the object is to attract the attention of a Dom and to have your petition for training considered. So a few pointers for the newbies and wannabee's:
It is inappropriate to go into a Dom's pm without making such request in the open room.
Read His profile. In some instances PM's are specifically prohibited. In others they may be prohibited if His sub is present.
It is inappropriate to treat Him as one of the blokes in the pub on a Friday night.
It is inappropriate to interrupt when He is engaged in discussions with others, and particularly with other Doms or His sub.
It is NEVER appropriate to touch His person. Even His collared sub must wait for signal and permission to do this.
It is never appropriate to interrupt when He is engaged in intimate behaviour or discipline with His sub.
A Dom chooses who He will and will not speak to. If He refers you to His sub you treat her with the respect You would afford Him; she has leave to speak with His voice.
It is inappropriate to treat a Dom with a lack of respect. This is a man who has taken responsibility in many instances for another human being. He is disciplined. This is no mean feat, and no light undertaking.
It is hoped that these small pointers will assist newcomers in negotiating their first steps on the D/s journey.Tags: d/smanners | Edit Tags
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- Tantr…
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Smiles ... excellent post. The other side of this coin being that a "real" Dominant WILL call you out for this kind of behaviour or look at you with less than admiring eyes. A Dominant also needs to behave like one ... play is fine, childish behaviour is not.
Tuesday September 26, 2006 - 03:40pm (EDT) Remove Comment
- xxxwww
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Very good little one. She understands well, and where I do not often frequent the rooms, it is nonetheless good to follow the examples and rules that she has posted here.
This is EXACTLY what I have come to expect at a play party, a munch, or any other gathering of My local community or friends where there are several involved.
It is ONLY good manners. And not only do subbies need to have good manners, so do Us Doms.
I have far too often seen where a Dom is completely and unnecessarily rude. Yes, even in real life. There is no call for that. Politeness and firmness can be complimentary partners.
Just my $.02
Tuesday September 26, 2006 - 03:04pm (CDT) Remove Comment
I do find this of benefit and could have used LONG ago (smiles) *ty* Also I would like to say, as a new girl, that in an online environment it takes a very very long time and much diligence to figure out exactly how D/s speak to one another and who to emulate etc....we see such different displays of behavior, we have to decifer. Some might even say that *sexual scenes* should not be dislayed in public arena; however, I do see many "E/experienced" who enjoy that...it is so hard to learn what to do. I am inclined to agree with TQ's comment....,....in my own experiences so far - I have found that even though I have not declared myself a sub...well - until yesterday... there are a couple of D's who I feel COMPELLED to treat with respect (even if I dont know them) and would never consider any other way...some, I have made mistaks with and have learned to treat with respect....others I may have had - shall we say -less than respectful experiences with that have changed the dynamic of the relationship into one that you might be discussing. and still in other cases - we are not aware that they are Dom....or they abuse us/stalk us/really freak us out! In which cases....we are not polite (even if perhaps we should be in a public forum) (geez - I had a lot to say) *but honestly...it is good info for us new girls*
Tuesday September 26, 2006 - 01:28pm (PDT) Remove Comment
- Wolf *
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I find that a lack of respect in any facet of one's interactions is a strong indicator of a lack of respect in all of them. Those who have traveled outside their homelands know from experience that while no host wants any visitor to feel as if they can not breathe without scrutiny, it's also incumbent on the newcomer/visitor to either learn the culture into which they are placing themselves, or at the very least take nothing for granted until they have made others more comfortable with their presence. Whatever happened to the days of guests understanding that they are just that - guests - and treating others with the according respect?
Respect (or the lack thereof) is not just a D/s issue - it's an issue that pervades all of society, and we are collectively losing our sense of appropriate respect for the things and people and conditions around us. In simpler terms? Thoughtless people will be thoughtless no matter where they are or who they're with. Let's hope just one thoughtless person a day happens to read your guidelines and gains some insight into their poor behavior, even if just within the confines of the D/s world that we all either visit or call home. Who knows? That one person might show more respect in other areas of their lives too, and more people would be better of for it.
Tuesday September 26, 2006 - 03:59pm (CDT) Remove Comment
- noxious
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I have always maintained that I am not a sub, I am not a Domme. I'm just me. I enjoy spending time in the sss room because the people are nice, its interesting to watch and learn and I have fun in there with several of the people.
I treat people with as much respect as they show me. If I am PMed with a "hey slut", I will happily eviscerate the PMers whilst smiling and singing a happy song the whole time. Just because the room is called "submissive, slut, slaves" it doesn't make all who chat there those things.
That is why I disagree with the new Lit Message known as #1 Rule. To me, respect is something that has to be earnt (or if you are American, earned). Its not a right or a privilege. I'm sposed to respect people who PM me their sick incestuous fantasies? Fuck off!!!! Where is their respect for me?
I hope I haven't offended any Dom/mes or subs with how I am in sss. I have always said I only mock the wannabes....the ones who tack on a Master nic and then call the woman they are cybering a "slut" and then push her around. From everything I have read, seen and been told by true D/s's, thats bullshit. I have made too many "Masters" beg like bitches in Yahoo chat to have anything but mocking for those sorts of people. And the ones with "velcro collars"...let's not go there.
The D/s world is new to me and I know I step on toes in my ignorance. I am also open to being called up on it and being told the error of my ways by the Doms I have seen around and have earnt my respect. Its not something I am exploring or toying with. I'm too strong willed to submit and not patient enough to Domme. I will just hang out and enjoy the company of the great people who tolerate my stumbling around in their world.
And do feel free to kick my arse if I offend ya =)
Wednesday September 27, 2006 - 10:01am (NZST) Remove Comment
- spank…
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*nods, nods* all of the above, except *eyes down* there's one thing. "It is NEVER appropriate to touch His person. Even His collared sub must wait for signal and permission to do this." *whispers* what about pouncing? i don't want to be disrespectful, but... *shrugs* it's in my nature. helphelp
Tuesday September 26, 2006 - 05:59pm (CDT) Remove Comment
- purr/…
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Onya sis... respect for all people is good and if one wouldn't bounce up to someone and sit on their lap or be overly familiar in any other setting, i don't see why a chat room should be any different. Getting to know people and reaspecting their space is always good, and in our little D/s world, manners and respect are afforded to all unless they are clearly boorish or rude, and i must admit, it's not something i've come across much in real life , but then, maybe my beloved Master Snow and this girl are just too old-fashioned *laughs* ..honest mistakes are always met with tolerance of course, but there are some who do take advantage of good nature or an open smile. Hopefully this will assist some in their initial foray into our little world...*hugs you tightly...hates to let you go*...miss you sis *smiles happily at seeing you here*
Wednesday September 27, 2006 - 09:07am (EST) Remove Comment
- RM
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"However, uncollared and wannabee subs in open rooms are a whole different ballgame"
Why are uncollared genuine subs and wannabees in the same category?
Tuesday September 26, 2006 - 05:27pm (MDT) Remove Comment
- Snow …
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Well said little one. It is excellent advice and should assist both Doms and subs. I have noted and enjoyed the wit and exhuberance in the rooms. This is tremendous fun and should not be at all curtailed. However, in those rooms specifically known to be available to and focussed on M/members of the D/s community and those wishing to know more about D/s it is good to observe at least the rudimentary protocols. As with any community or culture, a cautious, respectful and inquiring approach is always welcomed and every attempt is made to assist the newcomer. But over-familiarity in response to a friendly smile or a helpful attitude can create some strain, whether displayed by a Dom to a sub not in his collar, or by a sub to a Dom to whom she/he does not belong. Thank you for raising this issue little one. Observing the basics ensure that all can have fun.
Wednesday September 27, 2006 - 10:14am (EST) Remove Comment
- Scare…
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That needed saying and is well said. Thank you.
Wednesday September 27, 2006 - 01:58pm (EST) Remove Comment
This Lady always knows her stuff very well, it is a honor to know her.
Tuesday September 26, 2006 - 11:33pm (PDT) Remove Comment
Indeed it is well said and it will provide good basic ground rules ... well done little one
Wednesday September 27, 2006 - 01:11am (PDT) Remove Comment
- ...
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your posts are always smart and concise. i love coming over to have a peek. This one is so true in very many ways. Thanks for sharing..xo picksie
Thursday September 28, 2006 - 11:42am (PDT)
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